Nonalcoholics Anonymous

The camera faded in to a banner reading 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. It panned down, showing a whole bunch of people sitting in metal folding chairs, and another person standing on a podium on a stage.

AA MENTOR
Hello everyone, and welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, I know you're all here for the same reason: you want to cure your alcoholism. And that's where I come in. I'm here to guide you through your path to a new, better life. Jim, how about you go first. Tell us your story.

Jim began to walk up the stairs to the stage, where he stood on the podium.

JIM
Well, when I was young--

Suddenly, two masked men ran in and tossed Jim off the stage. He tumbled down, and barely managed to land on his feet, stumbling back into the chair as everyone stared on in shock. One of the men tore the microphone off of the podium, where it was connected to, and pulled off his mask to reveal the same man from AWO Fusion the week before... Quentin Knox. The other man removed the mask, too, to reveal his tag team partner, Reed Zimmer.

QUENTIN KNOX
Listen up, all you lowlifes. This piece of shit club isn't going to do shit for your disease. And that's where I come in. Maybe this will help with your alcoholism, but how many of you do drugs?

A handful of people in the circle reluctantly raised their hands, with an expression of shame forming on their faces.

QUENTIN KNOX
Exactly. And anyways, how many of you are gonna follow what this shithead tells you anyways?

He pointed to the mentor, who stared on, intimidated.

QUENTIN KNOX
No matter how many times you tell these people that they shouldn't drink alcohol, they're just gonna forget everything and pick up the bottle again after a week or so. And that's why I'm here.

He grinned and pulled an electric razor out of his pocket while Reed Zimmer crossed his arms over his chest. He walked down the stairs and behind Jim.

QUENTIN KNOX
Are you ready for the beginning of the rest of your life?

He turned on the razor and began to shave away at Jim's hair as Reed shouted, "Straight Edge for life!"



Jim cringed, too frightened by the actions of the two men to resist the shaving of his head. Finally, the buzzing of the razor stopped, and Jim ran a hand over his head. Nothing. He turned around and stared at the pile of hair on the floor. His hair. Quentin grinned as he raised Jim's hand, who slowly grinned and realized that it was for the better. "Straight Edge for life!", he shouted, as Quentin patted him on the back.

QUENTIN KNOX
Now, who's next?


(TBC BY REED ZIMMER)