In One Ear and Out the Other

The crowd cheered as Phillip Phillips, accompanied by his ever-so-manly theme song, walked down the ramp like a boss. He smirked as he marched down the ramp in his casual street clothes and headed up the steps and into the ring. After receiving a microphone from ringside staff, he sat on the top rope and raised the microphone.



He seemed as if he was about to speak, but instead lowered the microphone, resting it in his lap as the titantron flashed a recap of H-E-E-L's promo. He shook his head pitifully and laughed before finally raising the microphone again.

PHILLIP PHILLIPS
Man, where do I start? So much talk, so little logic. Let's go in chronological order, shall we? First of all, I'm apparently a "pathological lying moron" (damn, big words there, kiddo. Who helped you script this one? Your English teacher?) for speaking honestly about my talents. Yet this buffoon thinks it's okay, but only when he does it. And, if you must, if anyone's the rapist, it's Benjamin Paul; the man who caused my torn groin.

The crowd booed in acknowledgement to both H-E-E-L and Benjamin Paul.

PHILLIP PHILLIPS
Now, after this, along comes Souless Scorpiho. Have you ever been on the computer on some forums or something, and some 12-year-old kid comes along and says he's gonna kill your dog or something if you don't agree with his opinion? Well, Cole is one of these guys. He's an internet tough guy, except in real life. He threatens people with the most ridiculous tactics, the kind of stuff that'd put you in jail. Don't get me wrong, I'm passionate about this business. But I'm not going to fucking risk 20+ years in prison just to win a single goddamn tag team non-title match.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head simultaneously, barely managing to comprehend Cole's logic (or lack therefore of).

PHILLIP PHILLIPS
This pathetic disgrace of a tag team is so full of themselves. They say they're badass. They say they're clever. They say they're talented and extreme. They say they're heel. But they have to name themselves that to prove it. They have to say it themselves because nobody else agrees. Well, you see, that's the one big difference between me and these two ex-serial killers. I don't have to brag about my talents. Because I can prove them. I can back that shit up in the ring, and I've got all of you guys to prove it.

He waved his hand amongst the crowd, who cheered in his appreciation for them.

PHILLIP PHILLIPS
I mean, really, all these douchebags blubber out of their pathetic mouths is "I'm going to kill you". But I'm not worried. Because not only do I have myself, but I have the first ever AWO World Champion, Aidan Raider, by my side. You see, the funny thing is, these guys have got all kinds of shit to say about me, but not a word for Aidan. It's because they respect them and understand the fact that he's champion for a reason, and so do I. And that, my friends, is why the two of us will win tommorow night on Fusion. End of story, goodbye.

He dropped the microphone and marched back up the ramp, staring dead at the stage and not even acknowledging the crowd, demonstrating his concentration and determination on the match to come.