Titles are too Mainstream

The camera opened up to show LeBron James outside at a basketball court. He was the only one there, and he was practicing shooting hoops, swishing the ball through the net with ease almost every time. Suddenly, Lauren Brooke walked over.

LAUREN BROOKE
Hello, Mr. Kingston. Do you mind if I have a few words with you?

As the ball rebounded from the backboard, LeBron caught it then turned to Lauren and started dribbling in place.

LEBRON KINGSTON
Hoe, what'chu doin' here? Yo' ass stalkin' me? Who da' hell do you think you are, gettin' all uppity in my grill?

Lauren blushed and turned the microphone away from him.

LAUREN BROOKE
No, I just came to ask you about your thoughts on your match this week, against Randall Reaume...

LeBron rolled his eyes and passed the ball to her, who struggled to catch it with one of her hands already occupied by the microphone. She dropped it, then handed the mic to him as he smirked.

LEBRON KINGSTON
Guuuurl, you be shittin' me? I ain't afraid of 'dat hoe Randy. He jus' a wannabe, an' a whiny bitch. An' he's always goin' on about 'dat Phillips boy. Seems kind of s'picious, don'cha think? He goes on 'bout Phil's ass so much, you'd think he was a numba' 1 fan. Plus, he brought in 'dat belt from 'EHDW'. Whut da hell does he think he's doing, just waltzin' in the arena with some title? I'll tell ya' why, gurl. It's 'cause he couldn't win a title otherwise.

LeBron leaned over and began to crack up, eventually even falling to the ground, tears streaming from his face as he exploded in laughter. Lauren stared on, confused, but tried to keep cool.

LAUREN BROOKE
Um, okay... uh... what about your debut match last week?

LeBron took a moment to collect himself, letting out a few last wheezy laughs before barely pulling himself up to his feet.

LEBRON KINGSTON
Whaddaya mean, 'whatabout my debut match last week'? Bitch, I whupped Damian's wylde ass. There's not much more to say but 'dat, gurl. So, now that y'all's asked me yo' questions, you've got yo' share of stalking for today. Now get dah fuck out, and let me show 'dis hoop's who's boss!

He took the basketball and dribbled it back onto court, then began trying some shots from half-court as the camera faded out.