Self-Pleasure

Subject: Self-Pleasure Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:34 am

The the fans erupt with cheers as Break Me Down hits the P.A. system and the light show starts. The flurry of orange, pink, and blue lights engulf the arena as a familiar voice sounds over the music.

Ringo McGazzlin:
Hello, Ladies...

The cheers only get louder when Ringo steps onto the stage, dressed in a salmon three-piece suit. His curly hair is topped with a white derby hat, and the usual Ringo smiles adorns his face. He struts down to the ring, slapping all the fans hands, before stopping at the end to chat with a foxy lady. After just a few moments, she pulls her shirt up to flash her tits, and suddenly dozens of lights flash from cameras. Ringo winks at her before sliding into the ring. As he stands up, he brushes the dust off his suit, and raises the mic to his lips.

Ringo McGazzlin:
Hello WEW Universe! It is me, The Most Dazzlin' Competitor in this company! And do I have news for you! After my match against Matt Knoxville, who I beat, I was contacted by multiple sources who wanted to team with me. They were awestruck, and a few even mentioned how surprised they were that a whacko like me could be so talented. Well, I ignored all of those. In fact, my partner didn't even approach me. It was simple fate that I met him.

He pauses, taking a sip from a water bottle he had stashed in his pocket. He makes a satisfying Ahhhh sound before continuing.

Ringo McGazzlin:
I'll let him explain. Please welcome to the ring, my partner... WACKY WILMER PATACKY!

Subject: Re: Self-Pleasure Fri Jul 13, 2012 2:48 pm

Ringo begins clapping, assuming Wilmer's theme would hit and he'd come. Instead, no theme hits. Nobody walks down the ramp. Ringo just sits there awkwardly, still clapping, but a weird look forming on his face. He slowly stops clapping and frowns before raising the mic to his lips.

Ringo McGazzlin:
Well. Looks like he's, erm, busy. BUT C'MON. IT'S WILMER PATACKY!

The crowd cheers as Ringo struts around the ring, waving his arms to get them to go louder. Suddenly, a familiar tune begins playing from Ringo's pocket, carried by the mic. He raises his finger and answers, dropping the mic so they couldn't hear what was being said. His face brightens up and he hangs up, picking the mic back and up, beaming.

Ringo McGazzlin:
That was Wilmer! He just got done getting our tee-shirts done. When I'm done, I can give you directions on wear to pick them up. But he told me that to promo effectively, I actually need to discuss the match. So, let me try.

He clears his throat and straightens his suit before talking again, talking in an upper-class gentleman like voice, which is funny because of his Austrian accent.

Ringo McGazzlin:
Our opponents this week are none other than RAYMOND RADNER & MICHAEL EXODUS. I'm saddened to say that I have not seen either of these two men's work, so I cannot accurately judge them. But what I can safely say is that they are going to lose. You may be thinking, "Wait, Ringo, if you don't know how good they are how can you say you're going to win?" And to that I say, DON'T QUESTION RINGO McGAZZLIN!

He begins having a laughing fit, and so does the crowd. Once he calms down, he's back to his regular Austrian voice, which is equally as funny as his gentleman voice.

Ringo McGazzlin:
No, but seriously. I can honestly say that because you just can't get any better than the team of Ringo McGazzlin and Wilmer Patacky, because there is nothing better than perfection. You can't beat The Masturbation Nation even if we're sick, or injured, or even dead. Well, I take the last one back. We probably won't be scheduled to be in a match if we're dead, and even if we were, we'd no-show, and it would be a no contest.

More cheers and laughs, and there are some Masturbation Nation chants as McGazzlin begins speaking again.

Ringo McGazzlin:
This win will take the Nation one step closer to the titles, which we will hold forever. Even if we get beaten, we'll keep them. We'll become fugitives and hide out in, um, Canada. We'd never be found there! Even if we were, we could disguise as moose... I'm off-topic. I'm sure you're wondering where those shirts are, huh?

The screams and cheers become deafining, and Ringo has a hard time calming them done.

Ringo McGazzlin:
...they're right outside.

Suddenly everyone is on their feet, running out of the arena as Break Me Down once again hits the P.A. and Ringo struts out of the ring, joining the mass mob of people swarming the truck driven by Wilmer Patacky as the camera fades to black.