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 That Bitch Is Getting What He Deserves

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Kristofer Origer
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PostSubject: That Bitch Is Getting What He Deserves   Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:30 am

The scene opens up onto Matt Knoxville's locker room. We know this because the door has a big, obnoxious red star with his name on it. Even more obnoxious is the man's clothing who is standing next to it. He's wearing a baby blue ski jacket and matching pants, with a neon green flashing belt, with LED lights. The tips of his handlebar mustache are dyed blue, and as he smiles they bounce up. This man is Ringo McGazzler.

Ringo McGazzler:
Hi! I'm Ringo McGazzler! And this is Jackass!... or, well, a Jackass' locker room!

The chuckles a little bit, turning around to show a bearded jackass logo, with writing underneath that reads R.I.P. Ryan Dunn. He then turns back around to face the camera.

Ringo McGazzler:
That was funny. Anyhoot, this is Matt Knoxville's locker room. I stumbled upon it when I was walking around backstage, looking for the ladies restroom. Speaking of which, am I the only one who didn't know it was frowned upon to try and pick up chicks there?

He makes a glum face, shaking his head at the sadness of the concept that it was wrong. He shrugs and smiles again, happier than before.

Ringo McGazzler:
Speaking of girls, I was wanting to talk to Matt, who as you know, is my opponent at Overdrive this week! MY VERY FIRST!

Ringo knocks on the door, but not just any knock. He raps his knuckles on the door in a pattern, which goes, Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock *pause* knock-knock. He waits patiently, twiddling his fingers and even giving the camera a thumbs up. After a few minutes, he knocks again. Still no answer. He shrugs.

Ringo McGazzler:
Looks like he's not home. Oh well. Let's go see what the Sirens are doing. I heard they like shiny things.

Ringo begins walking away, but as he does, he turns back around. He notices the door is slightly open, just enough so that it wouldn't close. He walks back to inspect it, and as he does, it opens all the way. The locker room is dark, and it looks like nobody is there.

Ringo McGazzler:
Might as well take a look, shouldn't we? It's not like he's just going to have a piece of paper which has all his strategies on it, is it? I mean, I think that stopped when Phillip Phillips started going into locker rooms and stealing 'em. Matter of fact, isn't that when P2 started winning his matches? I mean, I love Phillip Phillips. He's great! But still...

He pauses and realizes he was rambling, shrugging. He then turns the lights on to reveal a perfectly normal looking locker room. A suitcase is laying on the ground, unzipped, with clothes strewn around everywhere. Ringo picks each one of them up separately, inspecting the fabric and designs on each one. He shakes his head, mumbling that Knoxville has no taste in fashion. He pauses as he comes across a pair of underwear, laughs, then raises them up to the camera. A skimpy, purple thong dangles from his hand, bouncing as he laughs.

Ringo McGazzler:
FINALLY! Something that is decent enough for me to wear. The just-right elegance and the soft lace is something that I would adorn on myself on a Friday night. Matter-of-fact, I think I have the exact same pair!

Ringo taps his chin, then pulls his pants out so he can look into them. His eyes widen and his lips are pulled into a grin as he pulls his trousers down for the camera to see. His underwear match the thong that he is holding. He begins laughing, his pants still down.

Ringo McGazzler:
This is so funny! I'm just dying to tell everyone me and Matt have the same underwear! They'll find out that he has somewhat good taste too!

Just as he says this, a skimpy-looking woman runs in, wearing only a Matt Knoxville t-shirt. She's holding it down to cover her crotch, and as she sees the camera and Ringo, freezes up. The shirt pops up to show her naked from the waist down, and Ringo laughs as she covers herself with one hand, reaching out for the G-string. Ringo, giggling, asks if they're hers, to which she nods. He pulls the elastic back, and releases it, sending them shooting into her face. She grabs them and runs out, and Ringo turns back to the camera.

Ringo McGazzler:
How about that? Matt Knoxville shares his underwear with dirty prostitutes. Even I know THAT'S unsanitary. You never make that mistake twice... It's a funny story, actually. Okay. So I was at this bar in Tex--wait a second. Is that what I think it is?!?!

Ringo reaches down and picks up a cell phone, which obviously belongs to Matt Knoxville. He smiles and hits a button, and the screen flashes to life. He smiles and shrugs, and begins looking through the messages.

Ringo McGazzler:
My saying is, don't say it if you don't what others to see it. So let me just read you some of the stuff Matty here has said in the last few days... to Mom: I don't think I'll be able to make it to the 4th of July party. Being World Champion is harder than it looks. You would know if you watched wrestling."

Ringo pauses, raises his eyebrows, than laughs straight into the camera.

Ringo McGazzler:
He told his mom he's world champion! He lied to his MOM! How much lower can you get? I mean, I understand you've amounted to nothing so far in your career, and probably won't ever, but c'mon, dude, don't lie to your mom!

He sets the phone down, still shaking his head. He then starts walking around, just looking at all of Matt's stuff. He creeps out, over-exaggerating his tiptoes out, turning the lights off as he does. He turns to smile at the camera, and as he turns back around, he runs into Austin Cross. Ringo begins blabbering his mouth.

Ringo McGazzler:
Oh my God! AC! BAD COMPANY! AUSTIN. FUCKIN'. CROSS. I've been a big fan of yours since UEW! You were so awesome. I can count all the titles you've won! Well... that might be because you haven't won that many. And when are you going to win a match? You seem to be on a bit of a slump. And I don't really think you have what it takes to beat Phillip Phillips, he's freaking awesome. You always were the weaker one in Decapitation Station--

Austin Cross winds up and punches Ringo straight in the stomach, making full contact. Ringo doubles over, gripping the spot.

Austin Cross:
FIRST of all, you NEVER disrespect me. I am in every way superior to you, you fucking joke. I'm more successful then you'll ever be. And dare you say Phillip is better than me? He got lucky, and at SNO, I'll show him he did just that. SECONDLY... I think Matt might want to know you were in his locker room...

Suddenly, Ringo leaps to his feet. He grabs Cross by the collar and throws him up against the wall, holding him at least three feet off the ground. He is still smiling, though, as Austin's shirt is slowly tearing.

Ringo McGazzler:
Dude! I always wanted to see how strong you are! Pack quite a punch, don't ya, little fella? And that's okay.No disrespect here. I just think Philly is better than you... and oh, would he? I don't think you should tell him ANYTHING...

McGazzler hoists Austin in the air another couple inches, and Cross nods furiously. Ringo drops him, his features brightening as AC slides down the wall into a heap. Ringo begins walking away when there is a voice from behind him.

Austin Cross:
I think you'll beat him anyway. Matt Knoxville only faces jobbers, and I know you aren't. This whole.. whole... act, is a facade, isn't it? You're much stronger than you make yourself look. You appear as just some... weirdo. But you're a serious competitor, aren't you?

Ringo turns around, his head tilted considering The Holy Diver's words.

Ringo McGazzler:
Although looks can be deceiving, I am in fact not trying to deceive anyone. I act the way I act and look the way I look because this is who I am. I'm not trying to be anyone else. And am I a serious competitor? Of course I am. If not, why would I be here? I know Matt misunderstands me. I get it. But just because I appear silly to you guys does NOT mean I'm a, what did he say, a "jobber." No, he underestimates me. Just because I don't sit here and talk trash, or create lies to put down my opponent to appear tough doesn't mean I am not just that. As you can testify, I am in fact pretty strong, am I not?

Austin, who has gotten up by now, nods in both fear and agreement. He looks scarred, and as Ringo reaches out to him, flinches. Ringo shakes his head and brushes the dust off of Cross' shirt.

Ringo McGazzler:
But just because I am doesn't mean you need to fear me. I'm a good guy. I only do what I have to in the ring against people who respect me. But when opponents become my enemy, and turn a match into something more, into hate... I inflict as much pain as I feel they need. Matt Knoxville might just have to get the second option... have a good day Austin!

Ringo struts away from the awestruck Cross, who is rubbing his neck. Cross walks away muttering as the screen fades to black...

Austin Cross:
I feel bad for Knoxville... but not too bad. That bitch is getting what he deserves.
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