No Need to Fear, The Wacky One is Here!

Subject: No Need to Fear, The Wacky One is Here! Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:07 am

It was a bright, sunny day in Los Angeles, California,
as the scene opens up out at poolside. There was one man laying back in
a beach chair with four gorgeous women surrounding him, two at each
side. One of the women on his left was feeding him bites of a banana,
while the other was fanning him with a huge paper fan. On his right
side, one was giving him a foot massage while the other was simply just
rubbing his chest with suntan lotion. there was a big grin on his face,
as his head lay back with orange-rimmed sunglasses blocking his eyes
from the sun. The man was wearing a pair og orange and yellow swim
trunks, with a matching Hawaiian shirt, unbuttoned and showing off his
impressive physique. On his feet were a pair of yellow sandals. He had
shoulder length dirty blonde hair, that he had tied up on both sides
into pigtails. On his nose was a green type of lotion, protecting it
from being sunburnt. Oh, what a life this man seemed to have lived.
Suddenly, he noticed that he was no longer being fed, fanned, massaged
or rubbed...as he quickly sat up, pulling his shades away from his eyes.
He was surprised to see a man with a camera in front of him. Not only
did he scare away the girls...who should be used to being filmed by
now...but he was blocking the sun!

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky: What the eff,
mang!? You scared away the girls, and you're blocking my sun! This
better be important, and you better not be another paparazzi just trying
to get some footage of the Masturbation Nation Girls again...

The man holding the camera just cleared
his throat, as he pointed at his shirt that read "WEW Camera Crew." The
man on the beach chair suddenly stumbled up to his feet, as he forgot
that he had asked for the company he just joined to send a camera crew
out here so he could shoot a promo for his debut match.

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky: Well, shit! You
should have said something! What does WEW stand for again? Wanking
Erect Wieners? If so, then I'm bound to be the mothafucking top star in
the company in no time!

The camera man just shook his head,
as he informed the new WEW superstar that it meant Warfare Entertainment
Wrestling...and that he's been recording ever since he walked up.

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky: Oh...I knew
that! I was just testing you, of course! Anyways...hello there, fans of
Warfare Entertainment Wrestling! I am known as "Wacky" Wilmer Patacky.
You may know me from my time in World Fantasy Wrestling as the first and
only WFW World Champion, or from all those other feds that I won titles
in my debut matches and retired from said companies with said titles.
You may also know me as one half of the undefeated, unstoppable tag team
in ECWF, The Masturbation Nation! Along with my good pal, "Crazy" Jerry
Mazy. You may also know me and Jerry, mostly guys, from our porn
production company...Masturbation Nation Productions! Or you may also
know me from...oh, snap! GOT'CHA! That's pretty much all that you'd know
me from!

The camera man closed his eyes,
shaking his head slightly. He was hoping that he got overtime for this,
since he had to fly all the way out to California and put up with this
bonehead. He couldn't wait to see this fool get destroyed by the
monsterous Darso Extremil...or one of the other two guys in the match
that haven't shown their faces yet for the match.

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky:
Now...from what I understand, I'm kicking off my career in this company,
as well as the next show, in a fatal fourway match with three other
guys looking to make an impact in their debut match. I checked out what
that Darso Extremil nutjob did online. I thought Jerry was crazy, this
guy is completely insane! Goes and nearly kills someone...then blames it
on the voices in his head? And exactly who is coming? Who are these
"they" that he speaks of? I mean, seriously...what the eff, mang!? I
know this is a dangerous job and all...but, this is insane! Oh, well.
I've delt with much more insane people than this guy.

Wilmer now reached down,
grabbing his swim trunks by the crotch and readjusted himself right in
front of the camera. When the camera man looked at him, making sure that
Wilmer knew he was still recording, Wilmer simply flashed a big grin
and shot the camera man a thumbs up.

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky:
It's all good, mang. I just had to readjust my McGriddles there for a
second. Anyways...where was I? Oh, right...I've faced off against
nuttier guys than this Darso Extremil guy. And this Ammon Al-Busir? Who
is this person? I looked all over the superstar page on the WEW website,
but couldn't find him. Was there a mix up? Is he or she supposed to be
some surprise entrant in this match who isn't even actually a contracted
wrestler for the company? In any case, it doesn't really matter to me.
I'll run, skip, walk, jog and even dance circles around this person. And
if it's an attractive immigrant woman...well, let's just say I'll have
no problem humping her into submission. If you get what I'm sayin',
Steve.

The camera man let out a
small sigh, as he now pointed at his name badge that hung from a lanyard
that he wore around his neck. It did not read Steve...it read Greg. How
idiotic was this guy...and he's getting paid to wrestle professionally?
Seriously?

"Wacky" Wilmer Patacky:
Err...Greg. Sorry about that, buddy. Now onto this Matt Hydrick guy. As
far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to fear from this guy. I could
just stand back and let Darso Extremil tear him and the Ammon person.
Afterwards, I could just lay him out with a little Lubrication Twist.
Or...I could have a lot of fun, and finish off this Matt Hydrick guy
with a little Masturbation Mayhem. Yeah, I think that's the move I'm
going to finish this match off with...make a big impact. I'm pretty sure
that at the end of the match, I'll have taken care of all three of my
opponents in one way or the other, the last being taken care of with
Masturbation Nation. Hell, yeah! That's what I'm going to go with.
Wait...fuck! Did I seriously just give everyone my secret plan!? Well,
then...I'll just have to think up another super secret strategy, which
isn't me trying to fool you all with a back-up secret strategy in which I
actually stick with my original plan. Oh, no...I would never do that!
So, you three worry your brains until they melt about whatever this
super secret backup plan is...so I can still get the easy victory. Sound
good? Good. Awesome. Superb. Now, excuse me, Ste...Greg. I have a movie
to shoot, and some new girls to test out before we start writing our
next adult film. See ya lata, aligata!

Just before Greg the
camera man could shut the camera off, Wilmer had pulled his swim trunks
down to his ankles and jumped up out of them. He had just flashed
himself to the whole world. The sound of Greg laughing at how small
Wilmer's penis was heard, before he suddenly stopped. How the hell did
he get all the ladies? Money? The fact that he's a porn mogul? Some
things can just never be answered. The scene faded to black as a wave of
depression began to rush over Greg the camera man and his lack of a sex
life...

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