RCF Royal Rumble

Farooq vs Aaron Stevens.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE TV title. Farooq has been WWE TV champion since 18 November 2012.

The Match: Aaron Stevens takes a right hand to the temple from Farooq. Farooq DDTs Stevens, but it just looked terrible. Covers for a quick two count. Farooq misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Dropkick connects to the butt of the jaw and Farooq goes down. Implant DDT by Aaron Stevens! I will always and forever mark out for that move. There's a two count on the pin. Tiger suplex on Farooq. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Aaron Stevens hits a rolling kick on Farooq. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Farooq flips out of a Aaron Stevens bodyslam attempt. Weak bodyslam by Farooq. There's a two count on the pin. Farooq DDTs Aaron Stevens. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Farooq strikes Aaron Stevens with a hard blow. A weak headbutt on Stevens by Farooq causes nothing but pain for both. Stevens counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Stevens hits a dropkick on Farooq and gets right back up. Farooq walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Farooq is in trouble. Downer! 1....2....3.

WINNER: Aaron Stevens

Dark Angel vs Rodney Mack.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE United States title. Dark Angel has been WWE United States champion since 18 November 2012.

The Match: BIG clothesline on Mack. Spinebuster by Dark Angel. Covers for a quick two count. DA drops an elbow...but Rodney Mack moves out of the way. Uninspired brawling from Rodney Mack. Rodney Mack strikes Dark Angel with a hard blow. Covers for a quick two count. Rodney Mack turns DA inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Dark Angel takes a right hand to the temple from Mack. Mack charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Massive backbreaker on Mack and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Hooks the leg for a two count. Belly to belly off the top rope! Pin, but Mack is out just before the three count. BIG clothesline on Mack. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Dark Angel ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Mack blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! DA takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Side suplex from Mack. Dark Angel grabs Rodney Mack from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Mack rolls through with the move! He is using the tights for leverage! 1....2...3! The referee didn't see it!

WINNER: Rodney Mack

Aidan Raider vs Chris Jericho.

Match Background: This will be a cage bout. This match is for the WWE World title. Aidan Raider has been WWE World champion since 25 December 2012.

The Match: Chris Jericho throws Raider into the cage. Jericho crushes Raider with a running senton. Raider counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Chris Jericho gets hip tossed by Raider. Face crusher from Raider on Jericho sets up for an elbowdrop. Aidan Raider drives Jericho into the cage side. Flying elbow from Aidan Raider, grazing the target slightly. Aidan Raider and Jericho climb the cage....but both end up crashing back to the canvas after a struggle! Jericho blocks a kick from Aidan Raider. GORGEOUS Spinning bulldog in the corner and Raider is down. Tiger suplex on Raider. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Second rope flying axe handle, Raider goes down. One day, Jericho might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Chris Jericho throws Raider into the cage. Aidan Raider powers out of a Chris Jericho headlock. Raider hits an arm drag on Jericho, follows it up with about 3 more and locks in an armbar for good measure. Flying knee to the face from Aidan Raider. For the record it was more of a Rusty Wizard than a Shining one. Chris Jericho is in trouble. Spear! Jericho climbs the cage...but gets pulled off by Aidan Raider, who then climbs up and over! We have a winner!

WINNER: Aidan Raider

Ryan Savage vs Cole Scorpio.

Match Background: This will be a ladder bout. Savage is making his debut at this show. This match is for the World Heavyweight title. Cole Scorpio has been World Heavyweight champion since 24 June 2012.

The Match: Spinning back kick from Cole Scorpio. Ladder assisted standing moonsault, Savage gets CRUSHED! Hard back suplex on Savage. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Spin kick by Cole Scorpio to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Cole Scorpio misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Ryan Savage blasts Cole with a slingshot into the ladder. Badly executed second rope splash by Savage. Cole reverses a Ryan Savage hammerlock. Savage takes a NICE hurrancarana from Cole Scorpio. Tiger suplex on Savage. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Savage pushes out of a Cole Scorpio hold. Cole takes a chop from Savage. Cole counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Flying elbow from Cole Scorpio connects. They both begin to climb the ladder. Once they reach the top, an exchange of punches starts! Cole grabs Savage...and sends him crashing to the canvas, through a table! Cole Scorpio grabs the prize for the victory.

WINNER: Cole Scorpio

*This would become Cole Scorpio's third five star match*

Royal Rumble.

Match Background: Aidan Raider is the reigning WWE World champion, and has been since 25 December 2012.

The Match: Jacob Wolfe and Bradshaw are the first two competitors. Jacob Wolfe hits Bradshaw. Flapjack from Jacob on Bradshaw. Entry # 3 : Batista! Bradshaw hits a weak elbow on Jacob Wolfe. Bradshaw threw Jacob Wolfe over the top rope, but Jacob Wolfe skinned the cat to save himself! Entry # 4 : AJ Styles! Batista strikes away at Bradshaw, not doing much damage at all. Batista scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Entry # 5 : Test! Jacob takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Jacob Wolfe got bundled out by Batista. (Elimination # 1) Entry # 6 : Brock Lesnar! Bodyslam by Lesnar. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Brock Lesnar ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Entry # 7 : Booker T! Batista hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Batista got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Test. (Elimination # 2) Entry # 8 : Phillip Phillips! Fallaway slam by Booker T puts down Test. Test got eliminated by Booker. (Elimination # 3) Entry # 9 : Big Show! Big Show punches away at Booker T only to get the tides turned quickly. Booker T got bundled out by Show. (Elimination # 4) Entry # 10 : Billy Gunn! Phillip Phillips strikes Styles. Tiger suplex on Styles. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Entry # 11 : Steve Austin! Dropkick connects to the butt of the jaw and Show goes down. Tiger suplex on Show. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Entry # 12 : Chris Jericho! Standing leg lariat by AJ Styles on Bradshaw. Tiger suplex on Bradshaw. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Entry # 13 : Edge! Steve Austin strikes AJ Styles. AJ Styles got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Stone Cold. (Elimination # 5) Entry # 14 : Tazz! Second rope flying axe handle, Tazz goes down. One day, Jericho might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Jericho went for the elimination, but Tazz held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Entry # 15 : Aidan Raider! Phillip uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Billy Gunn got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Phillip. (Elimination # 6) Entry # 16 : Goldust! Flying reverse elbow by Phillip Phillips. Phillip went for the elimination, but Tazz held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Entry # 17 : Dark Angel! Tazz drives a HARD forearm into the chest of Raider. Tazz threw Aidan Raider all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one. (Elimination # 7) Entry # 18 : Paul Heyman! Jericho just WAFFLES Goldust with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Goldust got eliminated by Jericho. (Elimination # 8 ) Entry # 19 : Triple H! Paul Heyman hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Big Show is able to block them and return the favor in spades. Big Show was eliminated by Heyman. (Elimination # 9) Entry # 20 : Alex Jester! Paul Heyman punches away at Dark Angel only to get the tides turned quickly. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Heyman on DA. Entry # 21 : The Rock! Steve Austin hits a right hand on Alex Jester. Alex Jester was eliminated by Stone Cold. (Elimination # 10) Entry # 22 : Chris Sabin! Big forearm by Heyman draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Chris Sabin got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Heyman. (Elimination # 11) Entry # 23 : Vince McMahon! Steve Austin strikes Edge with a hard blow. Steve Austin strikes Edge. Entry # 24 : Goldberg! Lesnar slams Bradshaw down and motions to the crowd. Bradshaw was eliminated by Lesnar. (Elimination # 12) Entry # 25 : Kurt Angle! Edge scoops and slams Triple H. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? High Angle DDT by Edge just SPIKES Triple H down! Entry # 26 : Shane McMahon! BIG clothesline on Tazz. Dark Angel snap suplexes Tazz. Entry # 27 : Colt Cabana! Flying shoulder tackle by Rock sends Stone Cold CRASHING to the mat. Stone Cold is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Entry # 28 : Farooq! Shane is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. DA went for the elimination, but Shane McMahon held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Entry # 29 : Ryan Savage! Hard back suplex on Stone Cold. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Steve Austin got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Jericho. (Elimination # 13) Entry # 30 : Randy Reaume! Phillip Phillips kicks the leg, knocks Heyman down, and goes to work on it. Tor-NADO DDT from Phillip Phillips, Heyman got planted! Some pretty weak shots by Goldberg. Goldberg scores with a shitty standing spinebuster. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Jericho walks into a high dropkick from Randy Reaume, almost losing several teeth in the process. HHH hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Triple H was eliminated by Shane. (Elimination # 14) Chris Jericho kicks the leg, knocks Vince down, and goes to work on it. Jericho uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Back suplex on Farooq. BIG clothesline on Farooq. Randy hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Tor-NADO DDT from Randy Reaume, Vince got planted! Uninspiring brawling from Paul Heyman. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Heyman threw Tazz all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one. (Elimination # 15) Edge takes a back suplex. Edge got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Angle. (Elimination # 16) Vince McMahon with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on DA. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Vince went for the elimination, but Dark Angel held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Kurt Angle ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Shane McMahon got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Angle. (Elimination # 17) BIG clothesline on Heyman. Paul Heyman got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Lesnar. (Elimination # 18 ) Randy hits a dropkick on The Rock and gets right back up. The Rock was eliminated by Randy. (Elimination # 19) Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by Colt. According to some other reviewers around here, 'legsweep' is one word. Colt threw Goldberg over the top rope, but Goldberg skinned the cat to save himself! Brock Lesnar hits some punches. How generic. Kurt Angle was eliminated by Lesnar. (Elimination # 20) Lesnar slams Dark Angel. Brock Lesnar scores with a big spinebuster. Vince McMahon strikes Colt Cabana. Vince McMahon turns Colt inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Colt is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Colt Cabana got eliminated by Lesnar. (Elimination # 21) Farooq takes a kick to the chest, and staggers back. A blind charge only gets an even HARDER kick. Savage hits a soaring kick on Farooq. Farooq hits a right hand on Dark Angel. Farooq went for the elimination, but Dark Angel held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Flying shoulder tackle by Lesnar sends Phillip CRASHING to the mat. Lesnar went for the elimination, but Phillip Phillips held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Vince gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Lesnar tried to eliminate Vince McMahon, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Randy takes a headbutt from Brock Lesnar. Randy Reaume charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Vince McMahon strikes Phillip Phillips with a hard blow. Phillip Phillips was eliminated by Vince. (Elimination # 22) Some pretty weak shots by Goldberg. Goldberg went for the elimination, but Dark Angel held on to the ropes at the last possible second! BORING ass brawling from Goldberg. Goldberg DDTs Farooq. Goldberg hits a weak elbow on Randy Reaume. Goldberg DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Randy. Weak kick from Goldberg. I am unpleased. Farooq got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Goldberg. (Elimination # 23) DA slams Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon got bundled out by DA. (Elimination # 24) Spin kick by Randy Reaume to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Chris Jericho got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Randy. (Elimination # 25) Lesnar scoops and slams Randy Reaume. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Randy Reaume got eliminated by Lesnar. (Elimination # 26) Uninspiring brawling from Goldberg. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Ryan Savage got eliminated by Goldberg. (Elimination # 27) BAAACK Body drop by Goldberg gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. DA tried to eliminate Goldberg, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Goldberg takes a back suplex. Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by DA. According to some other reviewers around here, 'legsweep' is one word. Spear by Brock Lesnar. Lesnar threw Goldberg over the top rope, but Goldberg skinned the cat to save himself! Weak kick from Goldberg. I am unpleased. Brock Lesnar got bundled out by Goldberg. (Elimination # 28 ) Goldberg takes a back suplex. DA slams Goldberg down and motions to the crowd. Dark Angel moves in for the kill. Heaven to Hell!!! That shook the ring. DA threw Goldberg all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one.

WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE AND ADVANCING TO WRESTLEMANIA TO FACE EITHER AIDAN RAIDER OR COLE SCORPIO..
** DARK ANGEL **